| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2009|01:48 am] |
It's been a while since I've posted on this journal. Nothing much has happened, or maybe it has, it obviously has, events just happen and i try to weather them as best I can.
Driving home the other night, I had a conversation with myself, which is more like listening than anything. I can't say much, I ended up crying. I feel like I'm going down a road parallel to the one I really truly want to be on. They go over pretty much of the same terrain, same hills, same bumps in the road, same scenery, almost. I guess the perspective is different. Granted, I can't tell what the perspective is, no more than I can tell you what the view is from over there, but of course it's radically different.
If i could summarise my conversation with myself, or what I could get from eavesdropping, however you'd like to put it, is I'm not in the drivers seat. I almost never have been. The closest way to saying how I feel is that I've been in the passenger seat of my life while someone else has been driving. While I've been staring at scenery, things keep moving.
Why can't I just look at scenery? I don't want to drive, I'm not ready to drive.
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2009|11:25 pm] |
... Still nothing.
Does anyone want to come and poke me with a cattle prod until I stop procrastinating?
The zen approach does not work, or not very well, haha.
I'm still sick, but it's been reduced to coughing, and loss of hearing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2009|04:06 pm] |
I should start looking for a job.
For whatever reason, I keep on thinking Hot Topic, or somewhere at the Funrise mall.
Mmmm, money or a chance at a social life? D:
I need to gather loose parts of my life together.
Yes, a haircut and job are in order. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2009|10:36 am] |
I'm starting to realize that I have nothing.
Edit;
I went through some old entries, from about a year ago and decided that I'm an asshole. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2009|10:33 pm] |
I'm going to be in Costa Rica until next Saturday.
I'm going to miss everyone, especially joe.
I think it's safe to say, I love him a lot more than I've loved someone in a l o n g time.
(: |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2008|08:47 pm] |
Presents make me feel undeserving.
I guess it's something about taking a physical object from someone.
I feel crappy, I don't know why.
I think for new year's I'm going to invest in some good running shoes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2008|12:26 pm] |
Still achey and feeling sick from Saturday/Sunday.
I blame this directly on the shitty weather.
I'm glad I'm going to the back doctor today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2008|03:04 am] |
All of a sudden I'm so tired.
I can't articulate my thoughts as well as i thought. Everything seems a waste when I can't. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2008|01:46 am] |
Hm, I feel so alone, so very alone. I'm alone not in an emotional sense, I feel like I'm the only one who survived a plane crash in the middle of a jungle, I feel like I'm alone all by myself, like I'm the only one alive. I guess I have a strange way of looking at the world, at least right now. I know i've been bad in my life, I know right from wrong, I feel like i'll receive judgement for that someday, I'm scared to die, everything.
My views on life after death, are, well, I don't know. I simply don't know, no one knows, but I'm scared of everything that's been imagined over time, from what's in the Bible, to the Buddhists and Nirvana, to everything.
I'm so worried by my ego, because right now, it's all that's in the room. I'm very worried to the scale that my brain, my mind warps and twists things, of every little noise this creaky house makes all night, so everything's all interconnected somehow.
I guess i'm a fearful person, at least by night. It's a strange way to live. I don't like it, but it's only like this when I'm alone, in this house.
When i come back tomorrow and re-read this, I'm going to sound very strange, I know it, haha.
Come to think of it, my night time problems started around the time I started smoking again. Strange.
Ps, i guess I should say something about the terrible run- on sentences in this, but I know better. Good grammar is optional after 2 am. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2008|08:00 pm] |
I don't really know what's going on.
I just feel so dejected used up boring dead sleepy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2008|08:54 pm] |
I'm such a little drama queen.
In other news, there's at least two doubles of me walking around. Or I'm a double and one of them's an origional. Ever feel that way? Like you're the one who was photocopied from someone else? For me, it was kind of reassuring, freeing and angering all at once.
Anyone else getting ridiculously pissed off every time they drive past a gas station? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|12:11 pm] |
Every time I try and fall asleep, I feel like i'm going to die.
I'm fucking scared. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2008|11:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | innerpartysystem | ] |
Suddenly, i'm the youngest out of everyone I know.
It's a weird feeling. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2008|07:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Brand New- The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me | ] |
http://snopes.com/religion/gradgift.asp
I know it's a fake story, but the degree of selfishness displayed just tears me apart. I've been disgusted with the hedonism of everything lately, that's not even a smirky statement, I'm embarrased to be alive sometimes.
I think I'm going to finish up this semester of college and go to work for a while. I'm so burnt out. I might do anything. I just need to clear my head, and being in school is not the way to do it.
In other news, my mother and I are going to Costa Rica in January, I'm so so so excited. c: |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2008|12:28 am] |
... And my GPA drops another point.
What the fuck am I doing? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2008|11:16 pm] |
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I need a puppy. I drove past a puppy store and I almost cried when I saw the little dears in the window. I can't even watch that commercial for the abused animals. I just want to cuddle them all. It makes me genuinely sad, for some crazy reason. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2008|12:14 am] |
Yeah, i think time is going by really quickly.
How on earth is this happening? |
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